I've been a very bad blogger... and given my mental state right now, it will probably be a while before I snap out of it. I'm crabby.
*** ETA: I decided to remove this portion of my rant ***
Moving on... I'm also in a quandry with what I'm doing as far as my hobbies - photography and scrapbooking. I love both hobbies and truly enjoy them. But... I need outside motivation to grow in photography and to get things done in scrapbooking. I wish I could be one of those people who can just be motivated by their own desire, but, sadly, I am not. But on the flipside, I don't take part in these hobbies purely for outside recognition. It's just some weird glitch in my wiring... I need the outside pressure in order to get what I need to get done, done. (I'm like this beyond my hobbies... I have been known to invite someone over so I *have* to clean my house.... since just sitting here thinking about it without any outside influences wasn't getting me anywhere).
I really want to grow more with my photography.... but without the outside motivation, I'm struggling. Before I get too far into this... let me just say that I DO NOT want a portrait business in any way, shape or form. I really don't. That said, I wouldn't mind doing something else like product photography or the occassional fun portrait shoot with a friend, but no full blown "portrait" business.... it's too much stress for me. In Texas, I entered serveral local photography competitions and those kept me motivated and challenged, but so far, I haven't found any here in Chicago (I'm sure some must exist, but I just haven't found them). Without outside motivation, I find myself overwhelmed with the many directions I can go in and then since I'm overwhelmed, I just hit a wall and stop it all in indecision.
As for scrapbooking.... I wish I could do it for the pure and noble reason of preserving my family's memories... but alas, with this as my sole motivation, I just sit here in front of a blank canvas with hundreds and hundreds of photos to choose from and an overwhelming amount of supplies to choose from. I *need* the outside source to narrow it down for me... but either a CT assigment telling me to work with a specific kit or a magazine call asking for layouts done for a certain season or event. Once I have my starting point, I can focus and begin to create. I've done pretty well since I started scrapping in November of 2005 - I've been a part of 12 amazing CT's (now down to 2), pages pubbed in Digital Scrapbooking (original and Simple Scrapbooks), Scrapbook Trends, BH&G Scrapbooks Etc., and Creating Keepsakes, a winner in the original (pre-Simple Scrapbooks) Digital Scrapbooking mag's Best and Brightest Contest, a runner-up in last year's Memory Makers Masters and a Honorable Mention in this Year's Creating Keepsakes' Hall of Fame. So, I'm feeling the pull to do more.... but I fight with this because I'm not sure if I really want to do more, or if I just feel like I should give it a shot since I've come this far. I have a bad habit of being an "all or nothing" sort of person... if I'm not going for it totally and completely, I tend to not do it at all.
My husband and I had a conversation about this recently. He suggested that my motivation be providing pics and layouts for family. That is a great motivation if I was a different person, but given that they're family and they think any picture of the kids is perfect no matter how technically wrong they are, I lose the ambition to keep growing and learning. And after losing that, I lose the ambition to do it at all out of frustration.
ARRrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh..... I'm really rambling, I'm sorry. I'm just in one of those kinds of moods and honestly, I've been in one of those kinds of moods a lot since moving back to Chicago. I really, truly love it here, we're a much happier family and homeschooling here is amazing but I've lost my way a bit in regards to my hobbies (and I *need* them to keep me balanced and sane!). Once I can get those on track... I hope the moods will be gone. Or perhaps I just have one of the seasonal disorder things from not getting enough sunlight after living in Texas for nearly 5 years... maybe a nice bright sunlamp is the answer I really need! LOL!
Okay... I'm done moaning... the kids are downstairs and away from my computer so I'm going to be sneaky and look up info for our trip to Disney World next week (we haven't told the kids that we're going and won't... we're just going to get on a plane and see how long it takes them to figure it all out). There are so many Disney trip planning sites out there... I haven't planned at all (one of the downfalls of not telling them is that you can't talk about it, or having anything in plain sight that has anything to do with it)... is it possible to go to Disney World without planning? The only planning I'm really looking into right now is what they do for birthdays down there since Alex will turn 7 during our trip. I honestly can't wait!
Alright... I'm really going now. I'll try to come up with something perkier and less whiney for tomorrow! LOL!
Not whiney at all! Or as we would say not whinging! I have the same wiring glitch, and I find it very hard being a sahm mum for that reason- I really admire your homeschooling, I could not do that. I find it doesn't just affect my hobbies (same ones), but also my exercise. I can go for it in a class at the gym, just blend in with the crowd and push myself to keep up- but I can't exercise alone! Help now I'm whinging- that wasn't the intention...
ReplyDeleteWe'll have to think of a good photog one (project or challenge). I just don't know what yet...mind you I already think that you're brilliant. (another stalker I hear you mutter). Enjoy Disney world, and next time...FIJI (I know a nice ittle island resort perfect for kids where they can handle baby turtles and iguanas and snorkel to their hearts content)!
I feel like I could have wrote the exact same post.. aside from the homeschooling, but often pertaining to the hobbies portion.. As much as I LOVE scrapbooking, and yes, just like you have Soooo many photos to go through, I just hit these brick walls. In my opinion? I think it's over thinking the situation. For me personally, in order to start a layout or page, I feel like I've gotta have it planned in my head.. or it just sits in front of me looking pretty blah. Not sure if that makes sense, but I get the feeling you might understand.. lol.. Vent anytime.. there's always someone that can relate ;)
ReplyDeleteDisneyland.. Kaylor would be sooo jealous! The kids are going to explode w/ excitement!
Awww Tracie....I feel for you but you know what....I think and this is just me guessing here is that you are moving to a different point in your hobbies and maybe you are just being hard on yourself cause I see inspiration in all your photos. =) Chin up....I do think it could be the weather but it's been gloomy here too. =)
ReplyDeleteI about fell out of my chair seeing that you guys were going to D. World....we are going in the first of May! I wish I would have been like you and not tell her but I can't keep a secret for the life of me! LOL!! Tell Alex "Happy Birthday" from us.....only less than 2 weeks away!
i too need inspiration...have to have something to strive for to make me really want to do it. seems like a lot of us are wired that way!
ReplyDeleteif you want a little photography "challenge" check out the Photo of the Day over at twopeas. we get a weekly topic and post the pics anywhere from daily to as often as you want. you'll get feedback and helpful suggestions. it's really improved mine! just an idea!
have fun on your D trip. hope the birthday is special. and smack the in-laws for me for making promises and not keeping them! bad, bad in-laws.
take care!
Thanks for sharing with us Tracie - I wished we were coming down sooner .. we could have some lots of fun together .. and maybe be inspiring to each other .. But it will have to wait until Aug :o)
ReplyDeleteOn another note - You will need to have a ton of fun in D World .. the kids are going to looooove it!!
I can't wait for Cameron to be old enough so we can go back!!